if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
