thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Your dad touched me again.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
