You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
