the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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