Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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