You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
