Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
