My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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