I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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