you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
