We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She told me I should be a condom model.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
