I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
