I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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