He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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