The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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