I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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