OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
