Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
