Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
