Im at strip club and am horny
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
