So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
