My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
