doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
