Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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