So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
