Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
