i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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