we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
