The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
