Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
