and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
