i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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