Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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