Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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