She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
