the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You ruined the universe
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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