my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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