This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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