You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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