he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
