be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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