Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
smell my finger.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
