he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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