im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
