Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
