I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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