As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
