I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
