2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
