If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
