sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
