by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
