Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
