so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
