Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
