i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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