Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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