the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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