Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
