i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
