let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
