He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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