Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
