he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
