Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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