So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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