***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
