I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
