This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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