I can text with my tongue
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize