I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
