I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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