Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The air taste purple.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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