highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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