I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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