Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
