Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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