He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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