I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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