sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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