Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
