what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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