I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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